What’s next? That’s a question I have had a lot of time to ponder lately, and it’s one I still do not have an answer for. I’ve spent the last two years attempting to once again become a runner, and I have had some successes and some failures in that quest. With my biggest failure to date happening just over a month ago, I have been wondering “What’s next?”
I have had the opportunity this year to build a good amount of recognition in the barefoot and minimalist community, and with that has come a lot of pressure. I have made some great personal connections as well as professional ones, and I am grateful, but again all of that comes with pressure. I have pressure to continue to provide interesting and informative writing here on this site. I have pressure to perform well for the companies that I am connected with, and I have the pressure of pleasing myself mixed in as well. Since Disney I have had nothing but time to think about all of these things since I have not been allowed to work out at all – doctor’s orders. All of the sitting around has had me feeling my fitness slowly dwindle, and I’ve even seen my body start to change over the course of these weeks without exercise.
I now have the feeling that I have to start over and rebuild, but is that possible right now? I’m still injured, so getting back to running shape might not be my best idea. As of this week I am clear to do as I please with my exercise, and I have been slowly easing myself back into resistance training. I am taking a slow approach with it as the first day back was really hard, and I did a workout that was possibly the most basic I’ve ever done. I can feel the weakness in my muscles, lungs, heart, and mind. These first two days back have been tough. I had planned to run recently before a winter storm hit, but I chose not to, and since the storm I have wanted to run, but I’m still holding myself back. I want to run, and I want to run fast, and that is exactly why I decided not to go out for that first run just yet. I know that I struggle to control my pace, and the last thing I want is to take off on a blazing first half mile to just turn around having already gassed out.
So again I ask myself what’s next for me. My foot hurts and needs to be fixed. I have an appointment to have it looked at and hopefully fixed next week, but for someone who has no insurance, this is something that is easier said than done. I may have to hit the intersections and peddle for cash to pay for a surgery, but one way or another I will find a way to get it done. I tell myself, almost daily, I should take a break from running until I can get my heel taken care of. At this point with the injury I’m only getting slower and making things worse so why go out and run? Why run if you cannot improve or really enjoy the run because you’re injured?
The tentative plan is to hit the resistance training and build the muscular endurance so that when I can run my body will be primed and ready. I may sneak a short run in from time to time just to appease my inner desires to let the legs loose and to not completely forget the feeling. All of this makes me wonder how so many people can live a life just sitting around. These weeks of recovery have been torture for me. I’ve sat around so much that it hurt, literally. My joints have ached, my muscles have gotten tight, and I honestly wonder how people live through a life of sitting still. I will get back to being active by embracing cross training, or as I call it resistance training, while biding my time until I can get back to running the way I like to. When I’ve saved enough or found a wealthy benefactor, I will get my foot fixed, and I will get back to pushing myself as a runner so I can see what I am really capable of in this new version of my running self.
I still have big goals and dreams for myself, and I will find a way to reach them.